transitions....

So a monumental event has occurred in our house...the crib has been put away and replaced with a Big Boy bed. SY was sleeping in his big brothers bed for a week  now and before that his crib. YES HIS CRIB !!!! He NEVER climbed out of it, never expressed any displeasure being behind bars...so why should I rock the boat and take him out???
Now this crib has served me well...17 years...4 kids so I know I should be saying B"H. (side not...my crib is a drop down side...GASP...and B"H BA"H...my kids survived. Their heads are still attached and have all 10 fingers) but I'm sad. Sad that at this moment there is no one to go into right now. Happy too....happy that I have made it to this point in my life. B"H my kids are growing up and I'm starting to reap the toils of my labor. I am seeing little boys emerge into men...and sensitive ones too. Last week at visiting day when I told BD and MN to watch over SY when we left to make sure he was okay ...they did. They "hung out" together for about a 1/2 hour. My kids...my boys hanging out together. I still get tears in my eyes thinking of that. They have been listening to my mantra "there will never be anyone else in this world who will love you unconditionally as a sibling does" 
So why am I sad??? I'm not ready to get out of the "little children" stage. I"ll miss those times of going to the library as the fun activity of the day. Or going to feed the ducks. Now the boys will go for SY's sake but 5 min. later they give that look "okay so NOW are we going to do something FUN"
So as I transition and leave the crib days behind I am sad and happy....
And maybe ....I'll need to put it up again...hey..nes do happen all the time.....

The answer is sometimes No...

This morning we woke up to the unspeakable tragedy of Leiby Kletzky a"h. There are no words to adequately express the horror of the whole situation. His parents sent him off to camp expecting him to return hours later but   he didn't. Instead they are dealing with a horrific situation.
Last night I stayed downstairs until 10:45pm so I could call the Chazak Hotline to say Tehillim with the rest of K'lal Yisroel. It was unbelievable the kochos of the tehillim. I didn't hear who was the one leading the tehillim (if you know please tell me) but he said that Leiby a"h was doing something for K'lal Yisroel at that moment. He was bringing us all together in times when for the simplest things we resort to Lashon Hara, Sinas Chinam and Motzai Shem Ra. We were for that moment all united, all one family...like we should be at all times.
So what do we say to our children..to ourselves this morning when they ask "but we davened to Hashem...why didn't HE answer our tefillos?" It was something I was pondering this morning as I drove MN & YY to davening this morning.
Hashem does answer our tefillos...EVERY TIME WE ASK !!!! The answer is not the one we want, the one we ask for but it is still an answer. The answer is NO !!!
That is Bitachon...accepting that the answer is really the best one for us. Believing with true Bitachon that Hashem loves us and though we may not always like the answer it is an answer.

May the neshama of Yehuda "Leiby" Kletzsy have an aliyah. May Hashem comfort his parents and family. And may Moshiach come very soon.

This was written on an email I get called Divrei Chazak:

We can not understand Hashem's way but we are taught to come together as we did in looking for Leiby A"H and to grow spiritually closer to Hashem from this. May it be an aliyah to the neshama for the kiddush Hashem that was displayed throughout the last 48 hrs. 

can I ever win??

Did you ever tell your child not to do something and then it blow up in your face???

Case in point: phone rings and child answers it (that in itself was shocking that he didn't ignore it). The person asks for A. A is not home...he is at work. So instead of asking "do you want to speak to my mother" or even " can I take a message?" No, he says" oh you can call him on his cell phone" and proceeds to give out cell phone number...and hangs up. So silly me asks "who was that on the phone?"
Child: don't know (w/o any emotion)
Me: so you just gave out your father's cell phone number to a complete stranger
Child: well if they were asking for him must be they know him
Me: no, not necessarily. Please don't do that again. In fact (by this time I'm fuming about his non emotional responses) JUST DON'T ANSWER THE PHONE...LET ME !!!
Child : okay

So not more then 3 minutes later.. phone rings.......... and rings and rings and rings..I'm in a different room so I can't answer it. So I scream " can someone PLEASE answer the phone??"  Child calls back " Well I would but you just told me to not answer the phone anymore" Sure...now he chooses to listen the FIRST time I tell him something...and REMEMBERS

Great..me and my big ideas. So now every time the phone rings no matter who is sitting next to it...they won't answer it.

Reflections post Bar Mitzvah

So it is Sunday evening and it is quiet...okay except for the hum of the dishwasher and washing machine which has been running all day. I don't have the Bar Mitzvah notebook out in front of me crossing things off the list. I'm not checking any lists to make sure I didn't forget something. I'm just trying to clean up....which will take another day to wash everything and put everything back in it is rightful place.

Now it is time to reflect...It was a beautiful Bar Mitzvah. Yes,  it was a HUGE amount of work but I'm so happy BA"H with the way everything turned out. MN did a GREAT job with his leining, made us proud when he made his siyum. It was a great Shabbos. Family & family traveled from afar to be with us. We counted and had representation from  8 states...not too shabby.

When I invited in towners for Shal Seudos I said it takes a village to raise a child. I truly mean it. Everyone who came over Shabbos to celebrate with us had a influence on MN's life. I was touched by the outpouring of help I got. Friends offered to help with whatever I needed. Whether it was housing people or cooking I knew I could count on my friends to help with whatever I needed.

So I want to say Thank YOU !!! Thank you for being there for my family to celebrate our simcha with us. May we continue to share in simchas with each other.

and it continues...

So today I would have blogged  kvetched about cleaning the playroom and how puzzle pieces and game pieces are not where they are supposed to be. And why do my kids have so many toys that they don't use???

Today I will only say BARUCH HASHEM !!!!!

 It seems so trivial for me to be discussing my Pesach cleaning today. B"H I AM doing my cleaning. B"H I have what to blog kvetch about. B"H my husband and children are alive..BA"H. B"H I have Purim and Pesach with my family to look forward to. My heart and tefillos go out to the Fogel family all over the world. You lived and died in our HOME. May you memory be a blessing. May Hashem give us all the strength to stay strong and to never stop having Bitachon.  Hashem will show us the other side of the tapestry and we need to NEVER stop believing.

Oh my gosh I can't believe we live like this...

If it wasn't for the fact I would be so utterly embarrassed I would take BEFORE pictures of what my bedrooms looked like before we started cleaning them. Sorry, some pride I still do have. Therefore no AFTER pictures either because YOU might look at the "After" and think "nice mess...when will they clean it up" only to be shocked by me telling you...We already did !!!!!!!


Like I told you last blog...I do NOT like cleaning...which is why I spend hard earned cash on a cleaning lady. Well I guess my aversion to cleaning has been passed down to my children as well. Though I really didn't think we lived as bad as we do. I tend to think that the animals in the zoo live better then we do. At least they have zoo keepers that clean out their cages once in a while.

Now I have another important issue to raise....So I have this cleaning lady which I really love...but...what exactly is she doing upstairs??? Certainly not moving the furniture and cleaning under anything. Think she is more of a "clean around the mess" kinda gal.

Okay so now we are about 90% done upstairs...can't wait to get cleaning lady back here to do her work. Hoping to get the rest done this week but.....the rest of the house needs a bit of TLC in the mean time.

Why I love Pesach cleaning???

Let me first start off saying....I truly love Pesach cleaning. I'm not being sarcastic or "holier then thou". I really love Pesach cleaning. Now please do not think I've been inhaling cleansing agents that has caused me to go over the edge. Not yet at least...

The reason I love Pesach cleaning is because I dislike IMMENSELY cleaning. As I tell A I was not born to clean. I'm not cut out for it, I'm not good at it and therefore I do not do it. I have a cleaning lady who you all know when she doesn't show I'm very sad. So why the contradiction to Pesach cleaning and regular cleaning? Honestly if it wasn't for Pesach cleaning I would NEVER clean (or find anything that I have lost over the year). With Pesach I do not have a choice. And to tell you the truth...afterwards I feel great. I'm so happy to be able to walk into a room and know every spot in that room was cleaned. For instance after the bedrooms are done (talking about years past...don't get nervous the bedrooms are not done...next week :) and I  go to bed at night...I know those dust bunnies are not under my bed. It is a great feeling !!!

Here is my disclaimer...you are probably saying "Rami, dust bunnies are not chometz. Pesach cleaning is making sure there is no chometz. What you are doing sounds like Spring Cleaning. And to that I say...(THIS IS MY BLOG AND MY CLEANING..LEAVE ME BE !!!!) And you are right...I am "cleaning" more then I have to. I figure if I'm going to do it once a year...might as well do it all at one time..spring, Pesach...to me..it is CLEANING

So today we cleaned the basement. It took 2 1/2 hours because we all worked together. Yes, even 3 yr old SY. He is very capable of holding a dust pan or he is "just the right height to reach all those tiny hard to reach spaces". Now  I do not know what your basement looks like but mine is a large room that houses my junk, washing machine/dryer, junk, extra freezer, second refrigerator, more junk, Pesach stuff, more junk, extra clothes that kids have outgrown and did I say JUNK??? Oh yeah and BOXES....every possible size, shape and type. Do I use them when I need to send a package?? No, I still go to the UPS store and ask them to pack it for me. Why you ask? Well you see when you have a extensive collection like mine....if you remove 1 box from that LARGE tower...well lets just say we might need to call the Chilean miners and ask them how they survived being buried because it would take a rescue team to get us out from under the "mess".

Another special item stored in our basement are broken things like a dining room chair that the leg broke off ,a vacuum that doesn't do anything and a desk that has 1 leg (only has 1 leg to stand on.) So I'm not sure why broken items are put down there..maybe we think by putting them down in the basement some little elf will come and fix it late at night when we are sleeping and the next morning we will have working things again. As of yet that has not happened.

The other special item that was found was the old toys that we put downstairs when YY had outgrown them and we as of yet have not taken out for SY. Boy was he a happy guy. He was so busy "trying" to play while we were "trying" to convince him he doesn't want those toys to be brought upstairs b/c "look how much fun it is to play with them in the basement". 

So since we were cleaning today the real way to clean is...THROW OUT STUFF. The problem we are having right now is...Today is Sunday, Garbage Day is Thursday. There is too much snow outside right now to bring it all out. So at the present time it is all in 1 corner of the basement.

So if you are bored or looking for a box or a broken vacuum cleaner or a dining room chair..come over Wednesday night. B"li Neder we won't make fun of you going through our trash pile. Maybe you have an elf or just need a box. We have plenty !!!

Next week BEDROOMS...hope I find that black tichel.